Ways to start this:
the first sentence of either 3 books overdue on my bookshelf,
the first sentence of either journal of mine between years 2014-2015,
the first sentence that comes to mind,
the first sentence that came to mind as I woke up this morning.
“Is it snowing?” and “How will this make me feel today?”
Things to do today:
check yesterday’s to-do-today list,
move yesterday’s to-do-today list to today’s,
add to today’s to-do list:
have coffee,write to self,research the idea,
take out the trash,
mail tax files,
laundry.
“I think I’ll try to write today.” “You should write about how you always want to write, and then the lists come to you and you end up writing lists and not the thing you wanted to write.” “That’s a good idea, I should write that down.”
Ideas to write about:
write it as a list,the research idea,
what I do and don’t believe in,
how the days have been feeling.
“Lukewarm, they’ve been feeling lukewarm.”
Things that are lukewarm:
room temperature tap water,
a snow day on a 1’C day,the list with the heading “2023 TAX,”
midday coffee from the corner dépanneur,
the post office when you mail your taxes and everyone else mails valentine’s cards.
“It felt just like waiting at the post office for 45 minutes to mail my tax files, the ones I wasn’t able to mail. It felt strangely ok as if I did my part and whether it worked out or not, I still did my part.”
Things I thought of in line at the post office:
I didn’t know the post office was still busy these days,
this dog has been taught patience by an unknown force,
that poster had to be printed in the 80s with that font and colour saturation,
am I rushing? no, I don’t think so because I don’t have anywhere else to be, how nice this fee—
“Hi, yes I’d like to mail these tax forms with Certified Mail service, how do I do that?”
What it feels like:
lukewarm,doing the same thing everyday,being a regular at the dépanneur,taking for granted how days roll (around and around and around).
“I didn’t know it would feel this way: it’s a dream life but the life is made up of 40hr work weeks.”
Synonyms of dépanneur [ˌdepəˈnər]:
bodega [boʊˈdeɪɡə],
baqala [bɑkɑlə/],
7/11 [ˈsɛvən#ɪˈlɛvən]
convenience store [kənˈvinjəns#ˈstɔr].
“Hi, yes 1 small black coffee with some room, please.”
What it feels like:
lukewarm,
lukewarm with a splash of cow’s milk,
lukewarm with a splash of cow’s milk outside on a snow day,
lukewarm with a splash of cow’s milk outside on a snow day,
lukewarm with a splash of cow’s milk outside on a snow day,
cold.
“During those weeks, I’d take my lunch break outside. I’d put my coffee and bagel either on a bike rack or planter, and I’d stand looking into the sun. It felt good because I was there and did my part, whether it worked out or not, I still did my part.”
Things I believe in:
the post,compost,I should say taxes.
“Those hours between work felt like the few seconds after waking from a nap: unburdened, stable, okay.”
Things I don’t believe in:
many things,
recycling,
if I’ll ever make permanent those seconds post-nap.
“Hold on, wait a second, give me a moment, let me think about this for a minute.”
Those hours of work felt like:
a puzzle,a meditation,Sisyphus’ stone,what I’ve been looking for many years.
“Okay, I got it. Now that we’re here I’d like you to ask yourself two questions:
Is it snowing?
How will this make me feel today?”
Things to do today:
have coffee,write to self,research the idea,
take out the trash,
mail tax files,
laundry.
“1.Yes.
2.Lukewarm.”
Hello Rashooshi. Interesting writing ... Have a good day.